Help Center Domestic Violence Help Women

It is a difficult question to ask, “Is the person who loves me abusing me?” Women often feel shame and humiliation and do not want to even consider if they are being abused. No one deserves to be abused, at any time, for anything! This questionnaire asks you tough questions and you must answer them honestly. There is help available if you are being abused. Please don’t worry, you do not have to make any decisions right at this minute or make any decisions you do not want to make. Take a deep breath and answer honestly.

Does my partner. . . . 

❑ Act jealous, possessive or angry when I spend time with others and
may even accuse me of having affairs?
 Check up on me constantly – calling, texting, instant messaging or
showing up at my job?
❑ Try to control where I go, what I do, what I wear and who I’m with.
Does he cause me to lose my job?
 Put me down, insult me, call me names or tell me I’m a bad mother
sometimes in front of others or the children?
❑ Try to isolate me from my family, friends and job?
 Behave cruelly and then say I am too sensitive?
❑ Blow up “unexpectedly” causing me to walk on eggshells because
I don’t know what will set him off or know what he will do next?
 Destroy my favourite possessions when angry?
 Threaten to hurt me or act violently – pushes, slaps, punches,
kicks, etc. ?
 Scare me?
 Threaten to kill me if I try to leave?
 Threaten to kill himself if I leave?
 Pressure me or force me to have sex or to do sexual things that I’m
uncomfortable doing?

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you are likely in a controlling and abusive relationship.

Action plan to help yourself
If you have realized that you are in an abusive relationship, it is important to seek support.

Tell someone about the abuse
As hard as it is, you need to reach out and tell someone what is happening. You do not need to feel embarrassed or ashamed. This problem is far too common. However, many people are not sure what to say or how to help but do not let this stop you. Find someone you can trust and whom you feel safe with, even if they are not sure what to do. Next, find your local resources. Many communities have shelters and police units dedicated to domestic violence. The local hospital may also be able to support you. If you are from a small community you may need to seek resources outside of your town.

Know your rights
There are many legal questions you will need answered. You may want to find out about a restraining/protection order or you may want legal counsel if you are leaving the relationship. A restraining order cannot guarantee safety so be sure to make a specific plan to stay safe. The criminal justice system can be overwhelming so bring someone with you for comfort. You are likely stressed and you may receive a lot of information that may be hard to remember. A friend can help you. If you cannot afford a lawyer, check into legal aid. If you are thinking of leaving, DO NOT tell the abuser as this will be dangerous.

Go to counseling
It will be important to find a counselor who understands the complex dynamics of abuse. If you have a local shelter, they will be able to make a referral and they may even offer counseling and support groups. You can also go to a bookstore or look on-line for a helpful book. Check out the page.